Chapter Two: How did it go?

"Marriage is hard."

It's the common advice every married couple feels compelled to share once you announce your engagement. It's as reassuring as advising a pregnant woman to get her sleep now because she'll never sleep again once the baby comes... um, thanks? Nonetheless, these experienced couples attempt to caution you that although marriage is wonderful, it isn't easy. Naturally, with a future full of dreams and excitement, you nod at their remark about the challenges of marriage and exchange a glance with your fiancé. A glance that says, "It won't be difficult for us."

"Marriage is beautiful"

I was certain about this part, and even though it ended differently, I was right. Marriage was a beautiful thing. Being a wife was a wonderful experience for me. Right after the wedding, we moved into our first apartment together. It was a small one-bedroom place that still carried the scent of cigarette smoke from the previous owner. It wasn't a mansion or glamorous, but it was ours. We learned how to pay bills there. I learned to cook dinner every night, and he realized his role was to do the dishes. We discovered that homemade butterbeer makes Harry Potter marathons on our couch much more enjoyable. We made friends, hosted dinner parties, and began creating our own traditions: Broadway shows and seeing the NYC lights every December, a unique Easter egg hunt with shells filled with date nights, and dinner with a scary movie on Valentine's Day. Our calendar was filled with day trips, double dates, and adventures. When he faced depression, I ordered pizza and bought a bottle of wine. When I had anxiety, he would rub my back and put on "Gilmore Girls." Marriage is beautiful.

"Marriage is about compromise"

He got in! He applied to a Master's program in New Jersey and just received the acceptance letter. I don't want to relocate. He's been accepted. We're moving. We'll return to Connecticut once he graduates. We say goodbye to the friends we've made. We say goodbye to our family. We pack up the U-Haul. We'll return once he graduates. We'll come back.

"Marriage is hard"

It's been two years, and I still can't get pregnant. What if I never can? We'll adopt. What if we can't afford it? We'll find a way. What if it's my fault we can't have a baby? I can't say for sure, but we've probably spent over $100 on pregnancy tests, all showing just one line. The decision to have a baby was thrilling, but the process was painful. I recall one night lying on the bathroom floor, pleading with God to remove my desire to be a mother. "If it's not meant to be, make me not want it. Please, just take it away." Marriage is hard.

"Marriage is beautiful"

We love New Orleans. We just returned from a weekend getaway, which was a whirlwind of cocktails, ghost stories, fantastic food, and fun. However, I felt a bit off. At one point, while we were on Bourbon Street, I experienced some intense dizzy spells. I'm also feeling a bit nauseous now, likely due to something I ate... but now I'm cramping as well. I'm sure it's nothing. I decide to take the test privately this time, not even telling him I'm doing it. It's going to be negative anyway. Two minutes later, two lines. "You're going to be a daddy." He rushes to McDonald's and buys me a large iced tea so I can take several more tests just to be certain. They all come back positive. We're having a baby. Marriage is beautiful.

"Marriage is about compromise"

I want to stay home with the baby. "We can't afford it." I find a job. Marriage is about compromise.

Seven years in heaven

Seven years of marriage have brought the greatest joys and the deepest sorrows. Seven years filled with inside jokes, laughter, and pain. Seven years of sharing kisses and having arguments. Seven years of dancing in the kitchen and going to bed at different times. Seven years of exchanging love notes and shedding tears as he sleeps. Seven years of holding hands and rolling eyes. Marriage is hard. Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is about compromise.