Look at all the happy families

Christmas Cards

Growing up, I used to have a friend named Kelsey. Every December my family would go to her house for dinner. I always looked forward to this meal for a variety of reasons. One: Kelsey was a really good friend. Two: Kelsey’s older brothers were cute. Three: the Christmas cards.

Kelsey’s family had a funny tradition of proudly displaying all the Christmas cards they received and then having guests vote on the most attractive family. The entire door leading to their basement was covered from floor to ceiling in an array of red and green, babies and dogs, matching sweaters and grumpy teenagers being forced to smile. I loved it.

I would admire each card, “aww”ing at the three-year-olds and snowmen, laughing at the dogs wearing scarves. Even as a middle school student, the seed was planted. The dream was there. I could not wait to have a family of my own and send out corny Christmas cards someday. Matching Santa hats and all.

Well, a few things about Christmas cards…

Getting all those addresses is kind of annoying.

Stamps are expensive.

Ugh, Julia moved again. New address, new envelope, new stamp.

But look how cute PJ is in this picture. Yeah, this is worth it. I smile as I reach for another envelope. My husband, my son, and me. A happy family.

Fast forward a few years and my husband and I are not together anymore. I am not mailing out any Christmas cards, but I am opening a lot of them. I do feel grateful for that. I tape them to my kitchen wall. I still “aww” at the kids on sleds and I still laugh at the dog updates. My kitchen wall is covered from floor to ceiling.

Look at all the happy families.

Santa

There is no way to say “I like presents” without sounding a little bit like a spoiled brat. But I like presents. Gift-giving is absolutely my love language. I have always loved surprising the people in my life with small presents. A love note for my partner, a stuffed animal for my son, a cup of coffee for my sister. One time I even made an advent calendar for Book Boyfriend. A different present for 25 days. But that is a story for another time.

I also love receiving gifts. The anticipation and excitement of opening something new, tearing through the bows and wrapping paper. I do not even think it is the gift itself that makes it so exciting. It is the gesture. Someone was thinking about me. Someone was thinking about what I might like. Someone was thinking about me when I was not near them. I matter to someone.

So naturally, being a woman who loves presents, I love Christmas.

Imagine my surprise when Christmas comes around and I realize I am no longer just Santa for my son. I have to be Santa for myself as well.

The first Christmas I realized I did not have a husband to buy me presents anymore, I was not really sure what to do. Maybe I just do not get them this year. Well, that will not work because PJ will wonder why my stocking is empty. PJ will wonder why Santa did not leave me any presents under the tree.

Okay, this is fine. I will just buy my own presents. I will wrap my own presents. I will fill my own stocking. I will pretend to be surprised Christmas morning and this will be fine.

So I did. I filled my online shopping cart with perfumes, makeup, and cute sweaters. I bought sparkly pink wrapping paper and placed everything under the tree on Christmas Eve.

The Tree

Growing up, my absolute favorite Christmas tradition was going to pick out a tree at the tree farm. My family would always go the first Sunday after Thanksgiving to tag our tree. The tree farm we visited annually was beautiful. They had a barn full of Christmas goodies like free hot cocoa and cookies. My siblings and I would race to the trees to see who could pick the winner that year.

There were always debates about how tall the tree should be, how strong the branches were, and whether we should go for a classic green tree or one that looked more frosty blue. My dad made the same joke every year about grabbing a tiny tree with almost no branches and we would all call it a Charlie Brown tree. Eventually, after much debate, we would tag our favorite one, excited to return in a few weeks to cut it down and decorate it that night with eggnog and White Christmas playing in the background.

When I got married, I knew I wanted to carry on this tradition with my own family. Unfortunately, my husband was allergic to Christmas trees. That was okay, I thought. We could buy pine-scented ornaments and still fill our matching Santa mugs with eggnog while decorating. Marriage is about compromise, remember.

Oh. I've been told he gets a real tree now. Well, I finally get to, too.

Allergies aside, I just need to figure out how to cut down a tree, how to tie one to a car, and how often you have to water those things.

All Is Calm, All Is Bright

The holidays will always bring a mix of nostalgia, joy, and sadness for so many. This is not unique to people who are divorced. This is not unique to me. However, the holidays may also surprise you.

Here is what I have learned as a single parent during the Christmas season.

• You will still smile when your mailbox is overflowing with Christmas cards.

• Your own Christmas card will still be adorable and corny.

• Buying your own presents is actually really fun. It is a beautiful excuse to care for yourself. And you get to tell people that Santa got you everything on your list because you were so good this year.

• The carols are just as lovely.

• The movies are just as sweet.

• The cookies are just as yummy.

• The lights are just as beautiful.

• The people at the tree farm will help you tie the tree to your car and you need to water it at least once a day.

Look at All the Happy Families

They are not just on the Christmas cards. You will see them everywhere. The park, back-to-school nights, vacations, trick-or-treating together, posing for fall family photos, relaxing on the beach in the summer.

You will see a dad playing catch with his son while mom snuggles the younger sibling and sets out snacks.

You will see a dad hoisting his son on his shoulders so he can see fireworks better while mom takes pictures.

You will see them sitting in church pews and tackling the airport security line together.

And for a moment, you may feel incomplete. For a moment, you may feel the ache. For a moment you may let yourself feel what is missing. For a moment you can visit that place that makes you feel empty. You can visit, but you cannot live there.

YOU can play catch and bring the snacks.

YOU can give out the piggy-back rides and take the photos.

YOU can handle the airport security line.

You can look at all the happy families and remember that your own little family is a happy one too.