Love Triangle?

Team Mario or Team Book Boyfriend

I left the date with Mario feeling hopeful and excited. Okay, maybe there are other men in the world aside from my ex-husband and Book Boyfriend. Who knew?

The next morning I woke up to two "Good Morning" texts. Oh...this is weird. I respond to each of them and all of a sudden feel a tiny bit sick to my stomach. How do people date more than one person? What if I accidentally text the wrong one? How will I find time to date them, work full-time, be a mom, and meet other people? And of course...the scariest thought of all, if I am texting both of them flirty messages and heart-eyed emojis...how many other women are receiving their "Good Morning" texts? I quickly decide I don't like "modern" dating.

Then Book Boyfriend asks to see me again. With newfound butterflies in my stomach and a new rosy tint to my cheeks, I respond "That would be fun!" Maybe modern dating isn't so bad...

Nothing Special

The date with Book Boyfriend was truly nothing special. This time, I didn't stress over what to wear. I didn't give myself a motivational speech while driving to his apartment. I didn't bring extra makeup for a last-minute touch-up during the ten-minute drive to his place. He didn't open my car door or greet me at the front door. By now, I was familiar with the route. I waved to the doorman, who had become a familiar face. When I reached his door, I didn't bother knocking. I let myself in and walked through his kitchen into the living room.

"Hi! I'm here," I announce confidently. He told me he would be right out. I made myself comfortable at his desk and tried to resist the urge to snoop on the sticky notes and papers adorning it. He walked out of his bedroom wearing a cream sweater and blue jeans. His hair was still dripping a little from his shower.

"Hi there," he greets me with a smile. I can't conceal my facial expressions. I break into a goofy grin and return the greeting. Just when I think I'm getting comfortable with him, I realize I'm not. He still makes me feel like a schoolgirl stumbling over her words and avoiding eye contact. I sit quietly, watching him as he lists dining options for the evening. "I'll go wherever you want," I reply. He picks a taco place, and we head out for our date. I can hardly eat anything there due to a food allergy, but as I mentioned before...

I'll go wherever he goes. And I meant it.

The date was nothing special, but he was.

Serial Dater

Another day, another round of "Good Morning" texts. Mario wants to see me! That will be fun. After all, he is pretty cute and super easy to talk to. Also, I am getting WAY too invested in Book Boyfriend. This will be nice. We decide to meet at a bar near his place for some drinks. I just got my hair done, what perfect timing! I put on a red shirt because someone once mentioned it's a good color for dates, along with shorts that I'm concerned might be a bit too short. I stare at myself in the mirror for a bit and decide this will have to do. Mario is waiting.

I arrive at the bar, and he is already sitting, waiting for me. I walk over, and he greets me with a warm smile and hug. We start talking, and it's just as fun and easy as last time. He tells me funny stories about dating fails and even a few sweet stories of dating triumphs. He asks me how dating is going, and I give him the SparkNotes edition of my dates with Book Boyfriend. It's nice that he's secure enough to discuss these things. As the night is winding down, he starts tracing his fingertips over mine and places his hand on my knee. It feels nice. It also feels wrong. At one point, I can tell he is going to kiss me. Part of me wants to let him. But instead, I stop him.

"Please don't kiss me." He pulls back and stares at me.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out too quickly.

"You're not the next person I want to kiss." Understanding fills his eyes and he smirks.

"You really like him?" Mario asks. I nod.

"You love him?" No one has asked me that. I think, take a deep breath and then nod again.

"I do."

Mario kisses my forehead and says, "Then go tell him."

I walk away, and he yells after me, "I hope he feels the same way."

Ruin the friendship

It turns out I'm not a serial dater, and I don't like modern dating. I tried dating two guys and failed miserably. The truth is, dating apps give us the illusion of options... options you don't actually have. People you don't actually know. Conversations you haven't actually had. Hands you haven't actually touched. The reality is that when you meet someone you truly like, it's alright to commit to them right away and see where things go, even if you might get hurt. I decided that night to delete the apps. I was going to be in a monogamous relationship with Book Boyfriend. Even if it was one-sided, he was who I wanted, and God, I hope he feels the same way. Only one way to find out...

The next morning there was only one good morning text, and I didn't mind at all.