Chapter Three: How did it end?

The real reason you're all reading this blog

Thanks to social media, we have all become micro-celebrities in our own right. We each have platforms where we share glimpses of our lives with our followers. With so much access to people's stories now, we can't help but crave more. When a couple suddenly stops posting together on social media, everyone turns into a detective. Are they still together? Are they fighting? What happened? Did her friends unfollow him? Did he unfollow her? What happened?! To avoid this detective work in my personal life, I decided to make an Instagram post announcing my divorce. I thought this would make it clear that we mutually decided to end our marriage and no one did anything wrong. I was mistaken. Everyone was trying to figure out what happened, and the question on everyone's mind was best expressed by Taylor Swift: "how did it end?"

Say it once again with feeling

The reality is that when a relationship, especially a marriage, ends, there typically isn't a single defining moment that concludes it. Instead, it's a collection of small moments, decisions, and mistakes that lead to divorce. Perhaps it was because I stopped complimenting him. Perhaps it was because he stopped writing me love notes. Maybe it was because I didn't want to attend emo concerts. Maybe it was because he didn't want to talk to me before bed. Perhaps we were simply too young to truly understand what we wanted when we got married. Maybe we just grew tired. In our story, there is my version and his, with the truth lying somewhere in between. The truth is that we both made mistakes. The truth is also that we didn't make mistakes, but life intervened. How did it end? I have my version, and I'll share part of that with you soon, but for now... I don't think anyone will ever really know, myself included. That being said... I can tell you how it DIDN'T end. (Based on theories and questions from our followers, friends, and family.)

Did someone cheat?

Nope.

Is he gay? Are you gay?

Sexuality is intriguing and fluid. However, neither of us identifies as gay, and both of us have dated members of the opposite sex since our separation, so...nope.

Did she think she was too good for him?

This is my least favorite theory of all. Never. I started focusing on my health and losing weight while we were having difficulties, and some people assumed I thought I was "too hot for him." Thanks for the compliment, I suppose? But that's a ridiculous statement. He was my first love, my first boyfriend, my husband, and the father of my child. He was absolutely beautiful to me...something I should have told him more.

Did you try therapy?

Yes! We tried therapy for a year. Although it didn't work out for us, I am a strong proponent of therapy. I do believe it can make a world of difference when both parties are insanely committed to taking the process seriously and doing the very hard work.

So what's your version of how things ended?

To understand why a relationship has ended, you must first look in the mirror, even if your reflection staring back is only questioning why you didn't leave sooner. Stay tuned for another post soon and what my reflection told me. ;)